Clean First, Then We'll Talk.

So I went shopping with my 5-year-old one day. As we were strolling through Walmart she saw a couple toys that she really liked. She asked me if she could get a toy. We'll we have actually been struggling with getting Her to put away her toys. The living room was a disaster. Her bedroom was a disaster. Every time we asked her to clean up she didn't want to. We've been dealing with that for a couple weeks now.

We keep telling her, She made the mess and they are her toys. She needs to take responsibility and take care of her things. She doesn't have to clean up Mommy or daddy stuff. she doesn't have to clean up her sister stuff. But she does need to clean her stuff. We could help her, but she needs to do the majority of the work. 

So in walmart I reminded her of this and I said. “Remember, we're not getting you more toys until you get used to cleaning up your toys. 

We're not gonna get you more toys to add to your mess. We're not gonna get you more toys to make it harder for you to clean up, so your gonna need to clean up your toys that you already have, before we start getting you new ones”  she responded with “well, I'll clean them up.” I said, “well work on that first and then we will talk about it. But you have enough toys right now. Start with doing what mommy and daddy tell you to first”. She said “but dad.” I responded with “Clean first, then we'll talk.” As we are having this conversation and walking through the Walmart getting the things on our list. I see a Lady staring at me and she says “I love your reasoning.” I say “excuse me?” she said, “I love your reasoning, it's really good. I was not trying to eavesdrop, but couldn't help but overhearing it. You're a really good parent. I love how you talk and have a conversation instead of just saying because i said so.” I said. “Oh, thank you. I try my best.” Then we just kept going on with her day. 

It stuck with me for a couple days and i have been thinking about it. It is kinda strange that just reasoning with your child is shocking. It is normal to me because that's how I grew up. My parents discussed things with us and they had conversations with us. That's obviously how I'm going to raise my kids. It's strange that that is not and everyday thing. It is sad that having conversations and discussing that with your kids is foreign and his new concept to some. growing up I constantly was asking “why?” just like most kids do. But for me, it wasn't out of defiance or that I didn't want to do what I was told. (Sometime it was) It was mostly because I just wanted to know the reasoning. why are we doing it this way? Why is the sky blue?  Why are we finding X in math problems? I was just curious about why. So my parents just would answer me. Then i would do whatever they had asked or be like “okay”, and move on. They why is all I needed to know. 

I answer as many of the questions my kids ask. I always answer to the best of my ability, or I go look online and give them an answer. I have also started asking my daughter “why” if I know that she knows the answer to something that she's asked why to before. If she says she can't remember then we look it up and review it and figure out the answer. But most of the time I'll ask her why and she'll answer me. So because she knew the information I'll either ask her why did she ask or just ask her more question. Half the time i am surprised what she knows and it just asking questions just to ask question. She is super smart and is just trying to see what i know. So i challenge you to go ahead, ask your kids “why”, answer all their questions as they shoot it out, have a discussion, reason with them. You will be surprised or you won't because you probably already know how smart your kid is. I know my kid is smart. Why? Funny you ask…